Look at the Pumpkins on that One!

Mr. Ruvo doing the dirty work for Richie

Mrs. Mac helping Aspen

Vince hauling out his squash

Jolene chomping.

Shelly and I accompanied Bean and her classmates to the pumpkin patch at Colon Orchards in Canon City CO last week. We learned about irrigating the apple orchard, corn field and pumpkin patch. We got a little taste of the importance of water to farmers in Colorado. The kids toured the apple orchard and learned that the apple trees are 30 and 35 years old. At least I learned these things. Shelly managed to cheat on the corn maze and we were in and out quickly. There was no spooking kids or arguing about her sense of direction.

Shelly, Bean and I will get to hit another pumpkin patch on Friday. I'd like to tell you that the kid is excited and the reason we have to go to another one but the truth is Shelly is just a kid at heart. At least most times, sometimes her cranky side surfaces too, or the part where she can't get through the day without chatting with everyone she sees, or the over reacting part, or...

Nice Pumpkins!

We also had some visitors to the ranch on Sunday morning. Pam and Judy jaunted on over for some cow milking experience. Really, who doesn't want to milk a brown cow once in their life?



Pam did a great job and was amazed by the amount of heat Brownie's udder and teats gave off. Brownie Cow has got some "hot boobs!" Her technique differed from mine a great deal but seemed to work splendidly. After milking out about a half gallon, Shelly diverted her attention from the cow and yammered on about the new alpacas and llamas. Good thing Shelly butted in, anymore milking and Pam might have ruined her knitting hands! Who knew?


After the cow was put away some friends dropped by for some hunting tips and Shelly's attention was diverted this time. Pam and Judy walked about the ranch with me, checking out chickens, turkeys, donkeys, and of course puppies. Regrettably I still have the puppies here. I wasn't able to pawn any off on the ladies.


Judy got stuck holding my camera most of the morning, so I have few pictures. She did have a chance to milk Brownie as well. When I showed her the Thanksgiving turkeys, I asked if she'd like to pick hers out but I think she declined. Darn turkeys are loud!

I think they had a good time but I doubt I'll see them back for the next Pluckin' Party! It was an enjoyable morning for me.

The afternoon proved to be much more difficult for me. We held a memorial service for my friend Mike Jamison at our Four Mile Fire Station. Mike was a volunteer firefighter and would occasionally drive my ambulance. Outside of Four Mile, Mike would milk my cow once a week. He said he did it to give me a break, but I know he did it for the milk. Mike would also help out at my Pluckin' Parties as the official neck slicer. He was always grinning, even covered in blood and a few stray feathers. His wife Meridel honored me with the task of officiating his memorial service. I blubbered through the entire thing. I miss Mike a lot and I hope where ever he is, he's enjoying some raw milk with a thick cap of cream.

Altered Perception

Today Shelly and I went tripping down the road to a friends' house for a little Oktoberfest celebration. We had a grand time. When were invited I fired up my computer and went searching for a snappy outfit to wear. I'm all about the snappy outfits. I found a couple of t-shirts that I thought would fit the bill. I purchased shirts for both us in the same size. I figured that Shelly would be thrilled with a new shirt no matter what it looked like. Turns out that wasn't the case. The following is a picture of the shirt from an ad. I'm rather hairy but thankfully don't have arms like that. Shelly declined to wear the shirt so I had to stuff myself into it. I did get some looks and double takes as well as comments. It would have been so much more fun if Shelly had the ovaries to take on the challenge.



Shelly was introduced to Bocce ball and turned out to be pretty good for a beginner. She did manage to tame her competitive side and remained in the game until the end. Had she not kept her competitive nature in check we might have had to leave via ambulance because her cranium had come in contact with the balls, repeatedly. Thankfully the combination of great food, beer, sunshine and friends kept her safe. As we were leaving the topic of pesky skunks came up, and then Shelly's opinion of how I portray her in the blog followed. Shelly doesn't read the blog(s) or any comments I make about her on Facebook. She only hears comments from others. I personally have not heard any negative comments only those poking fun at her. She seems to think I make her out to be the butt of joke. I have no idea how she would get that idea. I think I'm pretty true to the events that I retell. Still Shelly seems to think otherwise.


So all jokes and sarcasm aside, let me tell you about my Shelly. Shelly and I met six years ago in Colorado Springs. I told her I was looking for a beneficial friendship as I was in total "me" mode, a workaholic, and no interested in "dating." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Okay."

It took her more than a month to sign the "contract." I appreciate that fact now. It only took her about a month more to screw up the nice little bundled, no stings agreement too. On November 5th, 2005, Shelly attended the EMS Conference in Keystone CO. She went out of a Saturday night, drank a few too many beers, came back to her hotel room and drunk dialed me. I spent two hours in the Safeway parking lot in Pueblo West CO, listening to her tell me how she was not cut out for a "beneficial friendship". Truth be told neither was I. So we now mark our anniversary date as the 5th of November, even though neither of us was in the same place that first year.



Shelly is completely outside the lines of my type of woman. She doesn't wear dresses or makeup, she can't cook unless it's ready to eat after 3 minutes in the microwave, she's an animal hoarder, and her idea of a happening Saturday night is watching the movie Bad Boys for the millionth time. (Hate that movie)

She loves Christmas and patiently endures my tirades about the over-commercialized, pseudo, religious holiday. Compared to my, she has a relatively small family. She's only a few cousins and hasn't seen them in years. I have many, many cousins. My father's side of the family is rather large and although I don't like to label them (because the only label that fits is AWESOME) they are somewhat conservative. I can't think of another gay person in my entire extended family. Shelly walked right into the gaggle of Norwegians that make up the Dagues with her head up, like she had always been a part of the clan. She's had to endure too many many funerals for my family including that of my father.


She has also meshed with my chosen family quite well. She's attended Sunday morning breakfasts at Mama Nell's house, made Christmas cookies, and eats Richie Family tacos with gusto.


She took me to Florida and Disney World and even though she went out of her way to avoid every roadside attraction that I had my heart set on, she did spend way too much money at Sea World on food for the sting rays. She took me fishing in the dark and didn't grumble much when I had to make a stop for ribs in Williamsburg, KS on the way home. Since we've too many ranch chores to tend to now she's had to resort to making everyday an adventure instead of taking vacations.




She enables my obsession with Halloween and helps add special touches to the kiddo's costumes. Without Shelly's help the Cavity Sam from the Operation Game would have been a total flop. She consumes her body weight in chocolate each year too.





She heats up my water bottle just right when I'm dealing with the ENDO Goddess and brings me tea. She not only allows me to dabble in offbeat projects but most times helps with them. She works extremely hard to provide our family with many wonderful things, mostly animals but many wonderful animals. She doesn't get too upset when I outplay her on the links. She tells everyone I'm smart and doesn't mind that I'm carrying around a bit too much happy fat. She's beautiful and only smiles when I make fun of her age or her gray hair. She samples my crazy recipes even though I may slip some onions or garlic in them.


So even though, when I met her six years ago I placed her outside the box of "my type" it turns out that she fits perfectly.

Long Time No Blog!

I really should pay more attention to real life and not fret so when I don't get the blog updated. I really don't worry much, it's the random person I see that comments about my lack of new posts. Since I haven't a clue as to who most of these people are, I think it best to update once in awhile lest they start showing up at the ranch wanting to know what's new. Much better to allow them to stalk me via blogspot. I flatter myself, I don't have stalkers.

Anyway...here's what's been happening.---


We harvested the last batch of summer broilers in early September. We processed 94 birds and chatted a lot. I always look forward to chicken pluckin' day. I get the same feeling when it comes to butchering chickens as I did when I received an invite some a classmate's birthday party in elementary school. Ridiculous I know. It's really a good day for me. I don't find it gross, I look forward to seeing my friend Gerri and Neighbor Brenda. I look forward to bickering with Shelly about where equipment should be placed and her lack of organization. Even though I have no desire to have a roast chicken the day of processing, I let chicken recipes pinball around my brain the whole time. I do realize that the chickens don't get the same thrill. I try to make their short life up to that point enjoyable and happy. I truly can not understand why people wrinkle their nose at me when I invite them over on chicken pluckin' day.


This last plucking party consisted of Gerri throwing a handful of intestinal tract at me for taking pictures of her, Bad Penny Puppy waiting patiently by the gut bucket for a misplacement of a head or something else yummy, and Brenda's scrumptious cinnamon rolls with a big ole glass of raw milk when it was all over.


This September also marked the fourth anniversary of both my grandmother's and my father's death. Gramma Dague left us on the 3rd of September in 2007 and my Pop just a few weeks later on September 19th. I miss them both more than I can every measure. It's odd what reminds me of them both.


During our annual garage sale at the fire station I glanced at an orange coffee cup and suddenly my grandmother was in my head. I remembered her shuffling about the kitchen early in the morning, writing letters to her family in South Dakota. I wonder if she were still around if she'd continue to write on stationary or be an email-aholic like I am. I think of her every time I see a heel of white bread. She use to put the heels in with the chocolate chip and raisin cookies that filled the large Tupperware containers at the bottom of the pantry cabinet. I remember being special to Gramma even though I was one of many, many grandchildren. I think everyone of my cousins feels exactly the same way.


And Pop...I miss him everyday. I think he would be really into my chicken pluckin' parties. I know he'd making a few trips to the ranch to milk the cows. I would get to hear all those, "When I was your age..." stories about his own childhood and milking chores. Whenever I'm feeling down or having a bad day something will happen to remind me that he's always around. Lately it's been through songs. I have been hearing a lot of Mac Davis singing, "Oh Lord it's Hard to be Humble" and Johnny Russell's, "Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer." Right now his cousins, his brother Lonnie and others are preparing for the annual pheasant hunting trip to South Dakota. I know that Pop can't wait to see them all. His ashes are circling in the wind out there.


We've had other momentous occasions on the ranch too. Both my Jersey cows ended up NOT pregnant, despite claims to the contrary by the vet. Oh well, I've borrowed a mini-Jersey bull to rectify the situation. Napoleon is visiting and wooing both Jersey Girl and Jenny. He's very sweet through the fence and I've overheard both girls commenting about his handsome face complete with nose ring. Nappy is so hip!

Brownie Cow finally calved in September too. Unfortunately we lost her heifer calf at 13 days old to a intestinal bacterial infection. Such is life on the ranch. Even though losing the calf is sad event, I'm still thankful that Brownie Cow has a full udder and is more than willing to stand while I milk her.

The Kiddo is busy as ever. She's accumulating rebuttals in an effort to evade any and all chores. Need a reason for anything? She's many to spare. Shelly and I attended the latest field trip with her awesome little school to a local wolf rescue. I learned a lot, not sure the kid did.

Jolene's teacher Mrs. S.

She seems so absent minded of late. I often kid around about the flux of hormones in our household. It really is no laughing matter. Shelly is swirling around the drain of her 'normal' hormonal cycling readying herself to enter the wonderment of menopause. Then of course there is Jolene. She's machete chopping herself to the doorway of puberty with gusto. I'm stuck in the middle, being the sane one with monthly gut aches from endometriosis. I wouldn't advise dropping by for a visit without staking out the hormone levels first.


I'll leave you with the following picture. It adequately represents what September was like for me....a BLUR. It's really a bad picture of Jolene playing with the two Great Danes, one Coonhound and the Virus Dog! Here's to an outstanding October.

A Funny Thing Happened....

***WARNING*** Imagination required, because my pictures stink!



That's not the funny thing that happened, it's funny but not what I was referring to. It's Spirit Week at Guffey Community Charter School. Today's theme was Flash from the Past, she was to wear a fashion from a bygone decade. Since I am up on today's fashion, it only makes sense that my closet would be full of hip relics. She wanted a white, 'Saturday Night Fever' suit but it must be at the cleaners, I couldn't find it anywhere. She had to make do with improvised hippie threads. The moccasins are all mine, if you snicker I might slap ya. (Don't worry, I'm non-violent, it was an empty threat.)

On to the funny....

Shelly and I took the steer to Fowler to be processed today. This steer has been a thorn in my side since he strutted into the sale ring. For starters he was 1400 pounds when the boss lady threw up her number to bid on him. I have no need for a 1400 pound steer. He was corn fed too. I'm trying to develop a natural/organic, grass fed beef program. When he arrived, I took one look in the trailer and then went and flushed a handful of Benjamins down the crapper. Okay, not really but that's what it felt like. One day after putting him in green pasture at Phoenix Ranch, the booger jumped the fence and Shelly spent hours and another C note in fuel looking for him. The last couple of months he hasn't been a huge problem other than he's been eating grass that some other steer could have been eating. Since we are all out of steak Shelly decided to go ahead and have him put in pretty little packages. I thought it was a rotten idea. I don't sell corn fed beef and I certainly don't want to eat corn fed beef but I was outvoted. So I called and got him a date with the reaper. A week before his schedule date I called the Brand Inspector in order to get the correct paperwork. The Brand Inspector for our region, referred me to another and instructed me to call the evening before we left. That made my forehead wrinkle but I agreed and went on with my day. Two days before I was working at getting my ducks huddled and try as I might, I could not find any paperwork on the steer. After some research I found out that the bill of sale had been tossed in the trash by someone named, "Idontknow." So I called both Brand Inspectors to tell them of my predicament. Long story, but the steer did not keep his original date at the butcher. Instead he got a date for this morning. Still not the funny part.

Do you know where Toys R Us used to be in Pueblo? If ya don't, don't fret. It's not part of the punchline. It's near the P Town Mall and a relatively busy intersection, just off of Hwy 50. As Shelly and were rolling down the road,passing the old Toys R Us store, chatting about some life altering event (I always chat about life altering events), Shelly suddenly says, "Oh we lost a tire."

Lost a tire?

"Yep," She says. "It's rolling down the highway."

I look in the mirror and see several cars avoiding the tire behind us. Yikes. Shelly pulls off the road and I get to see what I can do about our situation. I look behind the trailer at the traffic and can't see the tire. I look at Shelly and she points to the intersection in front of us. I see the tire rolling through the intersection. It rolls about 25 feet past the stoplight, up the curb and then loses momentum and flops over.

The point at which the tire was returned to the truck!

I run and to retrieve the tire. As I get the tire upright and prepare to return to the truck, I see that Shelly has driven off, taken a turn and left me with a hunk of rubber on the side of Hwy 50, Pueblo CO. Soon enough she pulls around, we load the tire and are off again.

What we don't understand is, how the tire stayed upright and rolled. It fell out from beneath of Tom Truck. I would assume that the bumper pull trailer would have bumped it and ran it over but no so...it even passed us. I'm thankful the the light was green and the tire was able to go with traffic instead of causing and accident. The things that happen. It certainly made me giggle.

Back safe in the truck!

Deep Fried Deviled Eggs

Nothing extraordinary going on. Jolene and I are going to the fire station for a birthday celebration. We need to provide a side dish. Generally we take something boring and everyday like green bean casserole. Shelly likes boring and everyday, Jolene and I not so much.


Jolene and I decided on Deep Fried Deviled Eggs. Shelly LOVES deviled eggs, Jolene really likes the goopy yolk filling, and I hate making them. Of course, I use the eggs that we harvest from the hens. Sometimes fresh eggs don't come out of the shell easily after being boiled. I like pretty deviled eggs, not crater filled deviled eggs.


I have found a method that works for 10 of a dozen eggs. I bring my water to a rolling boil and gently place my eggs inside. I make sure my eggs are room temperature. If I take them right out of the fridge, peeling them will be a disaster. I let the water come back to a hard boil and leave the eggs in it for 3-4 minutes, COVERED! When my timer beeps, I simply shut off the burner and leave the eggs COVERED in the pot for 10 - 12 minutes. No peeking, don't lift the lid or all will be ruined. After letting the residual steam and heat cook the eggs, I place them into an ice bath for a couple of minutes and then start peeling.


After I make deviled eggs the usual way, I dredge them through some seasoned flour, dip them in a couple of beaten eggs and then slide them through breadcrumbs. I fry three or four at a time in my ultra healthy deep fryer at 350 degrees for a couple of minutes. Viola! Fried Deviled Eggs.
Hopefully they will all be eaten the birthday bash, as I really I'm fairly certain they aren't the best for my heart.


I was really busy this morning replacing the door handle on the sliding glass door upstairs. I must have superhuman strength because I break that handle off a lot. I went for a change in color this time. I don't know if it matches the decor but change is good.


Jolene spent a good part of Saturday afternoon running around the ranch with her dog Tara. I'm not sure how long she spent picking out her outfit for the day, but by the looks of it not long.

Twilight Zone

Mama Ewe

I'm sure stranger things have happened, I guess I'm just hanging around the ranch too much!

Guess what this item is!

Yesterday Dr. Hill paid a visit to Rolling Thunder to test some new sheep. While she was chitchatting at the barn door, she noticed Mama Ewe limping around. It's not an uncommon thing to see Mama Ewe limping around. She's notorious for overgrown hooves. Trim them Monday, and they need it again on Sunday. An overgrown pedicure was not the problem. As the investigation continued, Shelly discovered that poor Mama Ewe's foot had sloughed off! Her foot! I'm not kidding. We aren't sure why this happened, frostbite is the primary suspect. Sheep are funny things. We've had some that take a nap in the sunshine and wake up in the shade and for some reason decide they have no desire to continue on, so they simply die. I've often heard, and I repeat it frequently that, 'Sheep are born looking for a place to die.' Mama Ewe is on the opposite end of the sheep vitality spectrum. She's been trapped behind hay bales, left out in the snow, had baby after baby even though she's ancient, been bitten and run over by dogs, and now it seems is an amputee. She still thrives. She is adjusting well to her stub although it seems sensitive. She continues to nurse her lamb and hobbles to the gate for her daily peppermint. She was scheduled for retirement last year but somehow ended up keeping Nubie the Ram occupied, hence the lamb. Nubie will have to learn to get along with some other ewe or wether as Mama Ewe is officially retired. I've promised extra beet pulp and peppermints as disability pay.

Stump GirlMama Ewe and Baby

Other strange things have occurred. The child started 6th grade. She refused my offer for a new dress for the first day of school. How odd! She actually lost a wager and refused to pay up by wearing a dress and curling her hair for the first day of school. I told her not to worry, I will get even! She did surprise me with some obscure factoid, of which I don't even remember now! It was so unlike her but I was able ask with a snicker if she was regurgitating useless information. I'm accused of doing so often.

1st day of school

The cows are still holding on to babies. I'm assuming the vet was wrong when she preg checked Jenny as Jenny's due date was the 1st of August. Jersey was due on the 23rd of August and Brownie not until September 3rd. In the meantime, my neighbor Brenda is keeping me and a few select friends in milk. I've just swallowed my third afternoon glass. I'm trying to be patient with the bovine but I LOVE milk so much.
The chickens are still in peak production. We continue to have problems with skunks, in fact I'm missing two bronze turkey poults. The hens run amok during the day and genuinely seem happy. We may start seeing chicks in about a week. Jolene candled eggs for the second time this summer and the broody girls are still busy sitting. We have 12 chicks in the brood stall from the last hatch.

Russell Crow and few girls!

The goats are busy landscaping. I'm afraid most of the larger goats are pregnant. Pregnant goats are good and bad. Good point--milk, milk and milk. Bad--Babies are SOOO Cute and I can't have anymore goats!



The Nigerian Dwarf Goats are lovely as ever. Gaston has been singing and singing and singing. We did allow him an afternoon date with Pokey, so we may have little, little ones coming too!





The Nigerians have completed their Bonsai Tree in the backyard too. At least until one of them gets a step stool or grows taller so that they might be able to reach the green!

Otherwise, life on the rancho is normal busy.